Friday, 21 June 2013
Well it has been one hell of a trip and it was a trip. You may notice the site has been tidied up, this happened in the early hours of the morning with the single purpose to clear my feet of posts created over the last four months while I struggled to recover from depression.
Depression is a series of doors, once you manage to close one another often opens and this cycle feels like it will never end, but it will and does! It took three hours to realize what I was feeling was normality, a state that had been forgotten and is unfamiliar even as I type this. Too long this shadow had fallen over me and the cost was too high, friends lost. A fight perhaps to stay in this state, but one I am more than ever willing to fight. So the websites tone has shifted to match my own.
Clarity returns and direction is needed. This direction is sadly not photography, a nice dream to have reinforced by peoples positive feedback, support and faith but dreams do not pay the bills. I will keep trying to improve my photography and explore themes that I find interesting. Dreams come slow. It seems that commercial subjects tend to the most iconic when it comes to Scotland. The thought of taking and adding to this over photographed subjects does not interest me. I have never taken a picture of Eilean Donan Castle for example because it is one of the most photographed castles in the world.
I also have a cynical view of the art world when it comes to showing work. It is tainted by my introverted nature which I freely admit. The emphasis is all on networking and links very much like life. What people are actually working on or showing feels almost secondary to gaining more exposure. Has art been diluted for the need to be seen and reinforce the artists brand? I also have a deeper worry, if art is not for the normal person on the street and does not involve or excite them this is surely a failure. Does a vision exist for Scotland beyond the generic sound bites, the framework I doubt exists yet or is responsive enough. A ramble, my mind gets back to more important and pressing issues in my little world.
Health is my main worry after losing close to 30lbs. I look well for it, the fact I can say that is nothing short of amazing since my self-worth has been non-existent. I feel the need to mention people who played a part in my recovery through large gestures, talking and kindness. My parents, The Mackay family, Carol MacDonald and Mark Chadderton. Also Shell Rummel who shows the kindness that exists within strangers and my Flickr grandmother, Crow Vecchio.